The Odd Number

1217713

100101001010010110001

10221102301

4512261

1294B1
_______
MCCXVIIDCCXIII

So as not to miss a moment in this supposedly special day of mine, I will be awake the whole day.

Actually, I just couldn't sleep last night. Again. Haha.

It had been pointed out to me by two people now that the most I can get from this "affair" would be sex, that is if I do play my cards right. So why am I still whining about a supposed misdeal?

Perhaps because I want more.

I won't. I won't. I will not.

... muster all my strength to not talk to you. I swear I will ignore the urge completely. Because it strikes me as unfair that when I do, you will sometimes reply but when it's your turn to initiate, I always answer. I swear. I really do. I will never ever understand you.

So I had decided to finally open the gift. It was one of the things in the list I had foretold in my previous entry. And I had made my mind up to put the gift to good use as soon as possible. Now, if I can only find out where my muse is.

By the way, the package had no card bearing my name, nor is the gift itself personalized. So I'm not really certain if it was really intended for me in the first place. But I'm sure she was the one who wrapped it. I can tell. Oh well.

A friend told me that we can never really understand women. I disagree; Rather, I believe we should never really ever entertain thoughts of even trying to hope to understand them.

And no, my friend and I are not sexist. We're merely stating our opinions and I'm putting mine down to writing so I can remember.

And since I've begun with this, I'd like to continue further down.

I will never understand romantic relationships either since I've never been in one. Know that adage that goes, "Better late than never"? Well, I don't think it applies here. I'm just several years too late for anything. I'd say I'm a late bloomer but I fear that would be a lie since I've yet to develop that aspect of my person.

In high school, I've had several half-assed attempts at courting, none of which I had tirelessly pursued. It seems I had (have?) a tendency to give up easily (which is odd in itself because I dislike losing. Hm, perhaps this is an exception). This was carried over to college and perhaps, it worsened because I got exposed to vices that would help me "cope". And now I'm this guy approaching his mid-20s and I never even got to write a girl a cheesy, corny love letter. I never received one either. Oh well.

You might say "It's never too late" but I won't believe you. With the direction time is naturally going, it will always too late.

The "Christmas" gift from my office crush, that is. I didn't even know I have one had she not informed me of it through IM a couple of weeks back, along with the news that she had just submitted her letter of resignation. Now that really got me thinking and perhaps for the first time since I had decided to stop being so negative, there I was again wavering. After telling me that my gift just keeps slipping her mind, I developed a few theories and they are:

• She's telling the truth because she's really forgetful at times.
• She's telling the truth about forgetting the gift at home everytime and this kept on for more than two months, which means it's not really much (you know, the kind people usually give away like mugs, pens, tumblers, etc.).
• She's lying because you don't buy a person a gift and forget to give it to him/her. But this is assuming the gift is not among the list above.
• She's lying and the real reason she didn't give me the gift until now is because she's hesitant about something. And that with her resignation, it becomes clear that I have to receive the gift now or never at all.

But now I have the overdue gift in hand. And I don't want to open it yet for fear of one of my theories becoming true.

What to do? What to do?